The attraction, the pull is so strong

Why did I have to be in the wrong?

It’s like she had her own gravitational pull

And I, just but her blinded, stupefied fool.

The sex was good. Nothing short of the same old humping and nutting. He however felt like with every spurt, he emptied himself even more. For most guys sex is just sex but there was something about this one. He felt something was lacking from deep within him although he couldn’t place a finger on it.

It gnawed on his very conscience every time he kissed any other girl. The only thing that may be getting him off every time is the face he saw with his eyes closed. That face that he always gazed at every morning just before she woke up.

Every time he lay there in his nude lonesome after she went to clean up, he wondered if he could do anything to change the situation. Deep down inside he knew he’d never fall in love with anyone else. No proxy girlfriend could ever fill the big shoes she stepped out of as she walked right out of his life.

He’d open his eyes randomly in the middle of the night and curse the situationship under his breathe. What choices did he have anyway? He had needs. Probably the worst excuse ever but he had no choice. Okay. He may have had a lot of options but he chose this. All these girls he had lined up would be broken if they ever found out he had no intention to make anything of the brief sexcapades that were otherwise somewhat fun.

As he fell on his back after all the huffing and puffing, and maybe a little grunting, all he saw was the huge void he was creating in the name of filling one. The empty sex was fulfilling for the moment but was counter-productive in the long run. Oh well a good friend was eager to tell him that if it was true it was worth fighting for but he knew it was a fool’s errand. He’d only be walking into another rejection and it would kill him this time.

While some people catch a smoke, drink something strong or simply pass out after a roll in the sack. He found his comfort in his phone. He hadn’t checked in all day to any social media because well, he was otherwise indisposed. One scroll and there she was in all her glory. He hated how much she was the only one who’d make his heart stop unceremoniously every time her name was invoked or a time like this when he saw her being happy on the interwebs.

It was one hell of a confusing feeling. The simple thought that she was managing just fine without him killed him but then again why would he ever wish that she didn’t. All he ever wanted for her was happiness and he hoped she’d find it even though now it was apparent that he was not a part of the picture anymore. Probably never was anyway. The sad reality was that he was always a giver. One to care very little about his own happiness before her own.

He was willing to walk just so that she’d fly. Oh what he’d give for one more chance. One more shot at it. All he had now were lessons and regrets. It was no way to live. There was too much giving and very little taking on his part that his heart burnt with a fire so true and pure only he didn’t realize he had given her the matches too and he was the fuel.

The love consumed him whole and left him hollow. Like an empty bottle in a wilderness, the sound of the wind across its brim spoke for the emptiness and the wishes of a filled past. His muffled cries on the pillow were like a frightened girl’s cry in the hall of mirrors. Nothing but your own scary company and the fear of what it will turn you into.

Homeostasis was his biggest Achilles’ heel. He was not quite receptive to change because it always disrupted the state of equilibrium. Change was hard to accept but he now had no choice but to receive it gladly because he knew without it he would go crazy. He would never be able to find what his heart truly wanted. Funny how it is easier to classify all women when in a relationship and harder to single just one out to replace the one you have when out of one. It is then that you come to understand what it truly meant to have her.

***

The call came through just as anticipated. Details of the rendezvous were to be left at the reception with the concierge. This time around he had gone for someone different. He had always had an unresolved penchant for the lighter ones but brown was always his preference. Not white. Ellen was quick to click with and he felt like they had quite the spark. He was not always good at chemistry but he was sure he could tell if he felt one.

His biggest fear here was the fear of the unknown. Rejection topped the list and he wondered silently as he cut across the lobby if he could handle another rejection. If his heart was strong enough to take it and keep walking like it was just a speed bump along his way. The salutations were warm and she was enthralled to finally meet after all those long talks on text and the occasional phone calls.

Of course he had seen a few pictures of her and her a few of his but he was always worried that the issue of race would come up at some point. The most reassuring thing was that despite his paranoia, she was here and that is all that may have mattered. He sat by her and signaled the waiter to bring something cold and mature for him and the lady as they waited for their filet mignon.

The sun was setting in a yellow haze and the last few rays shone ever so bright like they were the last few kicks of the dying sun in a bid to save itself from the impending darkness. A wordless heave here and a sigh there was clear indication of the sexual tension that had built up over time between them. Ellen leaned over and Gerald leaned in to meet her halfway. She avoided the kiss tactfully yet narrowly enough for him to feel her breathe and went for his ear.

“I know you have your insecurities about us but I can assure you I like my oxtail medium rare. Maybe a little charred for the extra smoky and crispy taste.” Her whisper was so soft he felt it course through the veins down his neck and straight down south where his pants were already too small for his junk. For some reason he felt like this may have been his turning point. Emotions were running amok and he could barely hold onto the short leash that he had on them. Unlike the rest of his insipid moments, this one was rather exhilarating and gratifying even with all his clothes on.

They were done by the first course and he whisked her away as she took her water back into his room. The innocuous taste of water on her lips slowly faded away and he could now taste a hint of the 1982 Chateau Blanc. He smiled mid-kiss and let her down easy after they were well past the threshold. Ellen eagerly kicked off her 4 inch heels and sat on the bed expectant. He wet his lips a little with the tip of his tongue and bit his lower lip as if he couldn’t wait to eat her whole.

Her clothes peeled off her body easy to reveal two supple breasts and dimples on the small of her back to match those on her face every time she smiled. Her freckles stood out in the dim light and every tiny ray that bounced off them complemented her red fiery eyes and her maroon hair. All this while he had only removed his shoes. He wanted to learn her curves and master all the bumps because that ride was not one to lose your breaks and wits on. He needed control and he took it all for himself.

He whipped out a handkerchief and tied it around his eyes. He needed to soak in all that was before him and by closing his eyes, he would open them to deeper prospects way beyond the skin. The first stop was on her lips and the little folds on her lower lip tickled his finger and he dipped the index and she took it in slowly and pushed it out with her tongue. His hands went down to her cheeks and pulled her in for a kiss as he traced the jaw line. The wet index in her ear made her release a soft moan and he took a mental note.

Her hair fell on her chest and guided his fingers down to her supple breasts. He kneaded one and sucked the other while trying to read the braille on the areola with his tongue. It probably was a suck me sign for those groping their way around there. Her body fitted just fine in between his fingers and he squeezed gently as he spread his kisses between her chest and paused for a while to listen to her heart accelerate its beats.

Her abdominal muscles were not exactly chiseled but the path to the southern sin city was well paved with ornaments both on the navel and at the city gate. There were no significant bushes to speak of if anything, the fertility of the land there was underutilized so to speak. He was about to plant his wild seed yet hope it never grew. Not until they were ready for it at least. Her mound was throbbing and his fingers gently relieved it of the pressure and a little too much of it only worsened her case.

The dragon in her was woken and he eyes lit up in benevolent malice and she reached out grabbed his manhood. At this instant her head was waist level and she slowly undid his belt and as he lowered his pants to half mast, his pecker jumped out in eagerness to meet her awaiting tongue.

The rough of her tongue on the lower part of his shroom triggered a spasm with every stroke. The pace gradually increased and she practically begged him to let him taste him. She needed to taste him from the tip of her tongue to the back of her throat and down inside her. He paused after a few thrusts and groaned in sweet release as she took it all. She looks up to him with his head between her teeth and cleaned him up with one last suck.

She pulled him right into bed half-dressed into a cuddle. The little circles she drew on his palm as he held her from behind told him everything he needed to hear. She wanted this just as bad as he did.